Friday, September 19, 2003
somethings you lose and somethings you just give away
i didnt think i would get this depressed over losing him after only 4 simple months. but i felt so close to him like there was a bond... one that i thought would be there for closer to a year. maybe it's just like me and chris' fights... how we'd just have them.. he'd call names and id cry and cut and then a few weeks later... we'd be hugging and laughing again. or maybe not? maybe this was it... i dont know. my whole aspect on life has changed in these 4 months and now i see all of my faults and im even more self-conscious than i was in the beginning... im more afraid of absolutely everything and i feel like everyone is against me... even my own best friends... which is sad.. b/c i trust them more than anything. new lesson to learn from this, dont trust people until you've known them to not be deceitful. learn from how they treat other people.. and they're friends... that is something i have to keep my eyes open. observe people better before even trusting them with your middle name. i just want to cry. but im empty. ive cried too much and its back to the start.. of numb.
Posted at 09:52 pm by numb